Know who you are really negotiating with.

I have spent decades negotiating complex deals across Europe. I have sat across tables from brilliant strategists and seasoned dealmakers, across people with credentials that should guarantee competence. And I have watched an astonishing number of these intelligent, well-prepared professionals make catastrophically stupid decisions.

This book explains why that happens, and more importantly, what to do about it.

What sets this work apart is its refusal to offer comfortable fictions. Mihai does not promise that you can transform difficult people into reasonable partners, or that the right technique will make narcissists humble or manipulators honest. Instead, he provides something far more valuable: a systematic framework for recognising what you are actually dealing with, and strategies for protecting your interests while still achieving your objectives.

The three-category framework — ignorance, stupidity, malice — is deceptively simple but remarkably powerful in practice. I have used it in the months since reviewing the manuscript, and it has already prevented costly misreadings of counterpart behaviour. The distinction matters because it determines whether you invest in education, employ deflection tactics, or activate protection protocols. Getting that diagnosis wrong wastes time at best and invites exploitation at worst.

The case studies are uncomfortably real. I recognised several patterns from my own negotiations, including mistakes I wish I had not made. What I appreciate most is the book's intellectual honesty about its own limitations. Mihai acknowledges that these strategies do not work with everyone, that some people and some situations are simply not salvageable, and that knowing when to walk away is as important as knowing how to persist.

The sections on personality disorders and manipulators are particularly valuable for senior leaders. Organisations inadvertently promote and protect dysfunctional personalities when their short-term results mask long-term damage. Understanding the patterns helps you recognise when someone's impressive quarterly numbers are being built on exploitation, intimidation, or systematic boundary violations that will eventually detonate.

The book is demanding. It requires honest self-examination about your own patterns and blind spots. Chapter 7 on avoiding your own stupidity made me confront several uncomfortable truths about how ego and overconfidence have compromised my judgement in past negotiations. That discomfort is the point. A book that makes you feel good about your existing approach is not teaching you anything.

I am recommending this book to my leadership team and to the board members who chair our audit and compensation committees. It addresses a gap that most business education ignores: how to negotiate effectively with people whose behaviour defies rational explanation, when walking away is not an option, and when your organisation's success depends on achieving results despite their dysfunction.

The test of any business book is whether it changes how you actually work. This one has. Negotiation books typically promise mastery through technique. This one promises something more realistic and more valuable: competence through systematic diagnosis, disciplined response, and ruthless self-awareness. In an environment where stupid behaviour from intelligent people is not an aberration but a predictable feature of organisational life, that competence is not optional.

It is survival.

When Mihai asked me to proofread his book, I felt truly honoured. If you are creative, you know there is vulnerability in sharing your work, and it takes courage to do so. For that alone, I can only congratulate him.

A book that respects your time

The book reads well and immediately draws me in. I read it chronologically but also found myself jumping between chapters — not out of confusion, but curiosity. It is very well written and easy to return to. As a busy professional myself, I know the experience of picking up a book or subject that interests me, only to realise it needs a holiday or a very clear head, when I catch myself re-reading the same passages. Not so with this book. The explanations are clear, the exercises practical, and the stories bring what is explained vividly to life.

Sitting at the negotiation table

It introduces negotiation skills in a way that feels grounded and real, shedding light on the different types of negotiation partners you may encounter and how to deal with them effectively. At times, it feels as though you are sitting at the negotiation table yourself, watching the negotiation unfold. The opening Frankfurt scenario captures this perfectly. Klaus, an Executive Vice President with Columbia and INSEAD credentials, defends an eleven percent price increase using an unverifiable index. The client team methodically presents data showing costs are down. Yet Klaus deflects with generalities — "market tightening," "grid constraints" — that never resolve into actual mechanisms. When pressed for details, he labels proprietary information "confidential." Both sides are competent, well-briefed, using familiar terminology, yet completely failing to communicate.

This is not about stupidity in the conventional sense. It is about the moment when defensive posturing, ego protection, or sheer pressure causes intelligent people to behave in ways that undermine their own interests.

Beyond the obvious tactics

What sets this book apart is its depth on topics others skim past. While many negotiation guides offer surface-level advice, Mihai explores the psychological foundations that explain why certain behaviours emerge and why specific responses work. The chapter on personality disorders, for instance, does not just label difficult people. It equips you to recognise patterns like narcissistic supply-seeking or sociopathic manipulation, then provides concrete strategies tailored to each. The gender and culture chapter addresses hidden undercurrents that influence negotiations in ways we rarely acknowledge openly.

The "Scripts and Phrasing" sections throughout are particularly valuable. These are not rigid formulas but flexible templates showing how specific words matter. Difficult people often respond more to how you say something than what you say. Having practised phrases at hand prevents you from defaulting to emotional responses when negotiations become heated.

The practice makes perfect philosophy

The exercises deserve special mention — they are not afterthoughts but integral tools. Each chapter offers reflection exercises to identify your own blind spots and triggers, role-play scenarios to practise responses in safe environments, and field actions to test approaches in real negotiations. Mihai is insistent: reading about tactics without practising them is like reading about swimming without getting in the water. The muscle memory you build through these exercises determines what you will do when negotiations turn difficult.

What makes this different

Unlike typical business books that promise transformation, this one sets realistic expectations from page one. It will not teach you to make unreasonable people reasonable — that is impossible. Instead, it teaches navigation, protection of interests, and sometimes finding productive paths with people determined to make everything difficult.

This distinction between changing others versus changing your responses matters. It keeps strategies focused on what you can actually control and prevents the frustration that comes from expecting the impossible. The book also challenges a common assumption: that preparation always helps. The case of Beatrice — terrified, over-prepared, showing her entire hand before negotiations even began — demonstrates how intelligence can work against us. What she needed was not more data but a different approach entirely.

Final recommendation

I hope you enjoy reading this book as much as I did, and most of all, have fun discovering it. The insights are immediately applicable yet build toward something deeper: a way of thinking about human behaviour that serves you in every professional interaction.

In negotiations, as in life, we cannot avoid difficult people. This book offers something better than avoidance: the competence, confidence, and strategic wisdom to handle them well.

Our team meeting with Mihai back in 2024 switched on a light to a new way of viewing relationships and negotiation. It ignited my fascination with working with different character types, giving me new tools to put into practice both at home and at work. The training started out as many others do — thirty global key account executives assembling for a session to develop better relationships with our international customer base. A few of us travelled over to Germany for it, some meeting for the first time.

Mihai greeted us with his warm, relaxed style, keen to know more about our background and experiences. My trust and connection were immediate — not just because he complimented my tartan suit, though that certainly helped. We seemed to connect, both open to new ideas and sharing knowledge from life's travels. The session was filled with golden insights into the way we think and respond without thought, highlighting the common traps we can fall into and exploring where change and success can be found.

I came away knowing I had gained from the experience, keen to explore further, and with a new mentor. I have often referenced things learnt that day, energised with an improved understanding from the other side of the negotiation table. This book offers the deep dive into those advanced negotiation elements I craved.

A book that meets you where you are

What strikes me most about How to Negotiate with Stupid People is its remarkable flexibility. Like a hitchhiker's guide, it can be enjoyed as a single read or serve as a reference toolkit. The book is thoughtfully structured into three parts: Understanding Stupidity in Negotiation, The Golden Rules, and Specific Archetypes. This architecture allows readers to choose their own path — whether that is the "Academic Approach" for comprehensive expertise, the "Crisis Approach" when you are in the thick of a difficult negotiation, or the "Diagnostic Approach" for targeting specific challenges.

The author's framework redefines "stupidity" not as a fixed trait but as a contextual behaviour — moments when our intelligence works against us rather than for us. This compassionate reframing transforms what could be a cynical manual into something far more valuable: a guide to understanding human behaviour under pressure.

Real-world wisdom in action

The book's showcase method is particularly brilliant. Each real-world scenario, drawn from actual consultations with details changed for confidentiality, ends with the question "Is this stupid?" This simple prompt trains readers to categorise behaviour accurately rather than react emotionally. The example of Beatrice — the over-prepared, terrified negotiator who showed her entire hand before the client arrived — perfectly illustrates the book's central paradox: stupidity is seldom what it first appears to be. When met with dignity rather than exploitation, Beatrice transformed from frozen incompetence to professional competence within a single meeting.

These are not abstract theories. They are the kinds of situations I have encountered countless times since that training session with Mihai — the colleague who will not engage with facts, the client who seems to enjoy conflict, the boss operating from defensible logic that appears completely unreasonable from the outside.

Four rules that change everything

The book's four golden rules form a deceptively simple framework: Do not argue, deflect. Ask, do not tell. Control what you can. Do not be stupid yourself.

What makes these rules powerful is their universality. They work regardless of whether you are facing a narcissist, a manipulator, or simply someone having a terrible day. Master these four approaches, and you will handle 80% of challenging negotiations more effectively. The remaining 20% — the truly difficult personality types — receive their own detailed treatment in Part III.

More than tactics: a culture of curiosity

Perhaps the book's greatest contribution is its emphasis on building what I would call "stupidity immunity" — the ability to recognise when our own intelligence is working against us. The exercises throughout are not optional extras; they are essential practice for developing the muscle memory you will need when negotiations become heated.

The book champions humility and curiosity as essential responses to apparent stupidity. This approach has transformed how I navigate difficult conversations both at work and at home. Instead of meeting unreasonable behaviour with frustration, I have learnt to ask: "What am I actually dealing with?" This diagnostic mindset, combined with strategic naivety — the willingness to ask for step-by-step walkthroughs even when you think you understand — creates space for genuine communication.

Who should read this

Anyone who negotiates. That is the simple answer. Whether you are managing international accounts, navigating workplace dynamics, handling family discussions, or leading organisational change, this book provides frameworks that work. It is particularly valuable for those who find themselves repeatedly frustrated by "difficult people" — often a sign that we are trying to solve the wrong problem.

Final thoughts

Since that transformative training session in 2024, I have returned to Mihai's insights countless times. This book captures and expands on everything that made that day so valuable. It is the comprehensive guide I wished I had had years earlier — one that treats difficult negotiations not as battles to win but as puzzles to understand.

Whether you read it cover to cover or keep it as a field manual for crisis moments, it is an investment that will serve you throughout your career.